Point of Exhaustion

Tuesday, January 25 2011. Probably today is just like any other day for most people. But for some UvA students today might be the day of exhaustion. The weather was quite fine today. The sun was shining bright, still a little bit chill in the end of January. Some students left home early for their morning re-sit exam, some stayed home waited for an announcement then thrilled by their exam result, and some felt so tired after finished their exam around dusk.

For me, the situation is not that good, which I believe some other friends I know also stand in the same not-so-good situation as me. Here I am, studying abroad, right in the front of my 8^th semester of Bachelor study, not yet starting any shit in writing my bachelor thesis, still failing exams and have to re-take some silly subjects. Not to mention that this is winter and of course, it is cold enough outside.

How bad it can be ? well, that’s not the point of this writing. I don’t want to grumble neither to complain about myself neither my situation with this post. The point is, probably I can understand why some of my friends are being so gloomy these days. Since I think I also have been gloomy and frustrated about my self in the last couple of days. A friend told me that she feels bad about herself, after putted a lot of efforts and still failed her final chance of re-sit. I said to her “I also feel bad about myself, because I didn’t put enough effort to pass my exams.”

In that sense, probably we already reached our peak point, my friends; the point of exhaustion. We’ve been doing what we keep doing today for seven semesters or more. We’ve been studying for almost fifteen and a half years since elementary school. Probably this is the boiling point for us. Maybe.

But, look again my friends. We ain’t done yet here. At least, not at this moment. We already have the finish line in sight. We see it coming already. The thing is, this final phase, this final stage, is probably as exhausting as hell. But again, we ain’t done yet. Not here, not now.

I’m not a professional motivator, nor a preacher. So what I write above are just the words that I keep saying to myself all of these days.

I think, what we should do now is to let all of those anger out of ourselves. Push those anger out of your mind and soul. You can cry, scream, yell, run (better be on treadmill, since it’s winter), swim, whatever. You can do whatever you want as long as it’s positive and safe. Take some times off. A day with only your self might be nice. Purify your mind. A good friend of mine told me to have some ‘me time’.

Then, we should re-motivate ourselves. Remember that we are not coming here to giving up. We are not coming to Amsterdam to chicken out. If I would like to chicken out, I would rather chicken out since my second semester at Universitas Indonesia. Just remember that we are both survivors and achievers !

Look again those faces with full of smile, wishes and prayers. Your mother, your dad, siblings, relatives, friends, even some random people you meet on the street who wishing you a success for your study. We should answer those hopes of our lovely persons. Look again what we’ve been through. Think again, what our lovely ones have been doing to see us here, studying abroad.

It’s okay to fall and break down. Take our time, accept, then put ourselves back together again. Put those pieces of hope, effort, and optimism into one single piece again. Sometimes life may knock you down. You need to talk to God, ask for guidance and strength. Then you slowly start to get back up again, and fight back as strong as you can be with your remaining energy left in your body and soul. Your brain might be cramping and your mind might be boiling, but we should take this bit*h down, my friends. We should finish what we had started.

We gonna put ourselves back together and put a more and better effort to earn our degree. No matter what.

And in one hot summer day, we gonna sitting around outside at Vondelpark or in some nice cafe besides the canal of Amsterdam, sipping our decent cup of coffee while enjoying the sun and smile. At that time, we will already have a ‘BSc’ title after our names.

Even if that’s might not be the case by next August, we still gonna stand on our ground with pride and no regret. And even if we have to lose in this battle, let that be with no regret because we’ve already putted our best efforts. Nevertheless, let that moment to be full of pride because we’ve been fought all the way fiercely.

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Amsterdam, 25012011