Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
...
Those pieces of "In Repair" by John Mayer are suddenly being played in my head with repeat-mode. I don't know why, but lately I simply not feeling okay about myself. I have no problem with school. I passed all of my course. But i don't know, it simply doesn't feels right.
I got friends and buddies who i can share my story with. I'm not alone, neither lonely, but i just feel like i had something to be fixed with myself. In fact, i have a less schedule during the last 10-months or so of my study. With less busy schedule, somehow i felt like less productive. So many waste of time and energy. The allocation of the time wasn't good lately. I did too much unnecessary things in the last couples of months.
And emotional-wise, i found that i'm losing my sense of "greatness". I'm losing my "self-serving bias" that always supports me all the way. I feel i'm marginal, now. I'm now sometimes whispering myself "I was special, but not anymore". What the hell's wrong here ? Where the hell's those nice-and-positive feelings went from myself ? I feel like those glorious days are over. Those tiring-yet-exciting days during the last 5 years or so. Those young, restless, and yet reckless spirit. I want those spirit back.
Tonight, i feel like my soul is half-empty. I am not okay. And i have to do something about it. I don't know how, but i should fixed this. And i will.
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